When I read this poem today, I don’t remember who I had in mind writing it. Behind all, lurks God. I think perhaps I am luring God back, as if He is really gone infinitely beyond space and is not also infinitely near.
But mostly today I have thought of my mother. We both agreed this was to be the last time around here. We both agreed in those days (she passed in 2001) that reincarnation is the best guess for a perfect justice to happen on the planet. People get a raw deal or too sweet a deal otherwise. We both agreed in that context that this was to be the last time around here. My experience is precisely that.
Since Mom has gone on her way I have had no signals of any kind that she stayed around. She is thoroughly gone. Others early claimed some communication or presence and that may have been true, that she had business with them, but she did not with me.
There remains the possibility that the poem is fiction, that I didn’t have anyone “real” in mind when I wrote it.
Calling You
If I had voice strong
enough to reach beyond space
I would tell you why
you could now come back
to my odd neck of the woods,
to sit with me one
more time, laugh with me again
here by our old fire.
May 28, 2009 12:14 PM
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This one more time thing, didn't Phil Collins, sing about it? This longing for people we deeply loved and are gone now. I think it's a fantasie, a last resort, that we think one more time will do it, if that somehow would be possible,of course we want them around 'our old fire' forever.
ReplyDeleteJozien, you are quite right how one more time can stand in place of the desire to hold on to love forever.
ReplyDeleteOne more time might not "do it" in the sense you mean but would still be one more time. I actually don't think I have anyone who has been in my life that I want to have be with me forever. There are many I would be happy to see one more time, perhaps to say goodbye properly, knowing it would be the last time. I can also see having the chance to find out if I still feel the same after all this time.
With my mother, I would hope that she keeps consciousness of where she went and could tell me about it. With God, I would like to continue our discussions about creation.
"Oh great God. Be small enough to hear me now."
ReplyDeleteI love the idea that there was no residual energy or visits from your mom because she had no business with you. Lovely, that your relationship ended in a completeness that need not call her back.
I wouldn't want to imply we had a finished relationship. I don't think it was that, but she did move within a few miles of me in order to grow old nearby. She tried to set up her house so she was self sufficient and right to the end she was engaged in some work related duties. She was a minister and spiritual teacher. She would be invited to give seminars around the country and she would go. They would reimburse her expenses plus a little bit, and they were tax free expenses in any case. Her house came under a ministerial manse allowance because she was named minister emeritus and consultant to several ministers here. She had a mailing ministry with Amnesty International and a life of Scrabble with a club here and cruises. Scrabble cruises. So she was quite self sufficient even though her hips were failing. She had heart trouble, a near miss a few years before, but died of a stroke a few weeks into recovery from her first hip replacement surgery.
ReplyDeleteI held her hand while she died unable to breathe at the last.
And we're all just one breath away from there, ourselves. One breath. One heartbeat.
ReplyDeleteI miss her.
ReplyDelete